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"I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others." — Marcus Aurelius

due to yo momma's unhealthy corpulence, she requires the substitution of a microwave oven in place of a pager, presumably because her engorged fingers would be unable to operate the small buttons found on a typical pager (though it is unclear how exactly a microwave would serve as a viable alternative, as this appliance is in no way designed to serve a similar function) .